What About Bob?

Dear Diary,

March 2, 2017

There’s this girl. As I sit here hanging on a small branch, all I can think about is her glowing face. Her sleek, emerald body with white speckles and blue belly makes me think about one day creating younglings with this attractive being. My days are spent dreaming of her, as people pass by my domain, thinking I am dead. But alas, I am merely just sleeping. This lady and I deserve to be together. Twice a month we are fed the same dinner, but in separate quarters. We have always been apart—except that one time—she joined me for a cozy movie night. What did we watch? Rat Feeding: the Man Who Comes at Night, of course. Now, we are miles apart and my eyes glaze over just thinking about her. This has not always been the case.

Long ago, I had a strange love affair. My master introduced me to this peculiar girl, and I thought she was to be the love of my life. But she despised me. Every time I came out of my habitat, she screamed and ran underneath a nearby desk. I wanted to wrap myself around her arm, but she stayed at least 100 feet away from me. My master did everything he could to lure this girl into my warm embrace, but she refused. I gave up.

This new girl (her name is Fern), is the apple of my eye. The piece to my puzzle. My life will be complete when she comes back to me. For now, I must remain in my habitat where people watch me and think I’m plastic. Trust me, I am not plastic. I am REAL…and in love! My name is Bob and this is my love story.  

The lovely Fern

Bob the snake