Dear Diary,
I once had a lady lover--she was all I ever wanted and more. Every day I dreamt of our lives coming together, a big cage with a waterfall as our home and four or five tiny snakes slithering around as our offspring. We would be one happy family, eating pinky mice and teasing the man who fed them to us. My future was set, I just needed to find a way to get in Fern's cage. How to do it?
Well, I found the perfect opportunity a little past nine on a Wednesday night. The man who feeds me brought my pinky mouse as usual, but there was a loud crashing noise in the back of the clinic that sent him running away without closing the door to my habitat. I slithered down from the branch I was hanging on, and made my way back to Fern's cage. I was so excited! This would be our second encounter (the first was a movie night in my cage).
I climbed up to her cage, where she was sleeping peacefully. She looked splendid! I lightly rapped my head against the glass of her cage. No response. So I tried again. Nothing. Finally, with all my might, I squeezed my head through the tiny crack between the glass and the cage. At this, Fern opened her eyes.
"What do you want?" her eyes told me. This was not the reaction I was expecting. "I'm here for you, my love," my eyes replied to her.
"My love? You mean like brotherly love, right?"
I was really confused. Fern was not my brother. She is a female. Unless...
"Hey Fern! Do you mean to tell me you won't be able to produce my offspring?"
"How would this be possible? I'm a dude snake!"
Silence (well, it was already silent because we were talking with our eyes).
I was in shock! I had no idea this was what I would encounter when I made the journey from my cage to her (I mean, his) cage.
Finally, after much thought, I told Fern that I would love to be his bro buddy. He seemed to like that and we decided to play a joke on the feeder man. We switched cages!
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